A few days ago I did some classes for children, and as usual let one of them carry my backpack to the van. The kids know I sometimes have snacks in my backpack, and am willing to share them, but they must ask first.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are they allowed to take something out of my backpack, or open it without asking first!
A boy who usually doesn’t attend my classes decided without my knowledge to open my backpack and take out a sandwich bag full of peanuts.
He thought it was funny…..
I was not amused.
The next day a boy who had helped him get into my bag, and had eaten some of the nuts, returned to class. I calmly told him in front of everyone else he wasn’t able to go with us because of his actions the day before. He begged and pleaded to go because classes were fun, but it was no use.
Sadly these boys grew up seeing two flawed view of men:
- One who passively lets them do whatever they want
- And another who acts in violence anger
- Technically, there is a third man. He’s the one who is never around
The point is….the don’t know what a man is supposed to look like.
True men balance firmness and compassion. On the one hand, I didn’t confront the boys on Monday since it would have been done in anger. Also, any kind of discipline should be administered with their clearly understanding what had been done wrong (editors note: Please note when I use the word “discipline” I’m referring to banning them from activities or rewards instead of physical violence).
At the same time I am not willing to just let them take something out of my backpack!!
Again, I cannot express enough how important it is for them to see a man who is firm (enforces rules) and compassionate (does things calmly) because they just don’t see it! So boys grow up thinking men are either passive, or just blow up all of the time.
I have no children (it wasn’t God’s plan)
but at the same time I have MANY spiritual children!
And they watch me very closely (especially the boys).
It isn’t always easy being both firm and compassionate. The tempting thing is to move towards an extreme on either side. But God gives the grace to show Vicentian boys Mr. John enforces rules, because he loves them.
Johnhwilburn.com 
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